No Seeds of Doubt Will Be Sown, Not This Time.

As I was reading through content discovering new bloggers, I stumbled across a post I found to stopped me in my tracks: method acting can be used to boost my confidence.

The author of this article explains that before taking on a role, the actor studies [thoroughly] that particular character and asks readers exactly how much time we spend studying the character we play in our own lives? I immediately thought, there is nothing to study, I was raised this way, but this new train of thought in me begged to differ. I was reminded when the author of this eye opening article said while yes, we are influenced by our environment (parents, peers, etc.) as children, When we are adults, they immediately stop, well, most do and really its more like the commands stop and the suggestions roll in. I could not help but to agree.

Immediately after I turned 18, I became an adult. My mom switched up so fast. At first I was afraid, and felt like a magnet. I thought I needed her advice, her input, and her blessings. I did still feel this way up until I moved out. Someone who I am very thankful to have in my life constantly till this day opened my eyes to this. I went from feeling paralyzed in a certain mentality to “I’m every woman, it’s all in me” by Whitney Houston state-of-mind.

As I reflect, I have come to realize how much I have allowed my environment to influence my internal perception of me. While some things I am learning to overcome day-by-day, others I still internalize.

Growing up, I spent my entire life earning the approval of others— people pleasing. And for that reason I haven’t found much enjoyment in my life. Overthinking and rationalizing why I can’t pursue the things I really want in my life. Always wondering how I am perceived when I say or do certain things. Constantly comparing myself to other women and downplaying my attributes. This is one of the worst ways to be. It wasn’t until the end of my junior year in high school that I started to break out of this mentality. I was becoming a senior, and unlike the previous three years, I was the head and not the tail. It was freeing. I think in adolescence, status quo is a powerful thing. Senior year, everyone was preparing for adulthood. College, job training, whatever that next step in life was, everything else didn’t matter.

 

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭1:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I knew what I wanted and was determined to get it. Senior year kind of opened my eyes. Things don’t always pan out the way you imagine them to be. This feeling, I know all to well. Degree first, married next, then babies.. I’m starting to think I had this backwards.

To be continued..

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2 thoughts on “No Seeds of Doubt Will Be Sown, Not This Time.

  1. This is something I struggle with today. I feel so connected with you.
    (considering we are connected through the same blood line)
    I know we don’t talk everyday but we definitely experience a lot of the same struggles.

    I’m so proud of you being so open about your life. It’s inspiring!
    I’m definitely going to study the role of who I inspire to be daily.
    Then play the imposter role until I change internally.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey cuz!! My bad I just realized there is a comment section. I was like where are my comments? Lol but I didn’t know you struggle with this, you’re just so put together which is why I’m always up under you. You’ve always inspired me!

      Like

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