Small to You, Big to Me.


One month ago, I recited the first half of this poem to my entire job site— it’s at least 1600 of us. 

Understand how nervous I was..

We were originally given until this month to be ready for this, we were told a week in advanced and wasn’t made aware we had to perform it until two days prior. Now neither of us being poets, idk how we got ourselves into this. Actually I do; see my job is split up into three major teams, each major team has about 5 sub-teams. Each major team has to host a floor meeting (entire site) to bring in the month with our new site goals. It’s kind of like a pep rally. Being that we just started doing this in January, the first two teams did a rap. We were tired of those so we decided that we’d be a little different. We did a Showtime at the Apollo edition!

Now Ashley, my teammate suggested someone do a spoken word, now idk how, but one of our managers won’t playing around so she said cool, Ashley is doing spoken word.. wait what? So she wasn’t up there alone, I said I’d play bongos in the background. We had one of our managers bring back Sandman, we had a member of the team dressed as Kiki Shepard, and my teammate portrayed Steve Harvey (laughs). We dropped the bongos, and just split up the spoken word. Of course, Ashley picked the second half so I agreed to do the first half. I was never the one to be chosen as lead in anything, but I said to myself if I’m going to take this acting thing seriously, I gotta start somewhere. 

Here is where the BGs came into play, the time came to get ready and everyone performing gathered, we were all talking about how nervous we were, win the Apollo theme music queued, and as we started getting each other hype in line, I smacked a coworkers butt… like the basketball teammate. I was so embarrassed and apologized so many times (we were still in the workplace).

I was like omg, Ima get fired, forget this poem. But after reassuring me it was okay and not to worry. I looked up and it was time for us to go on. Somehow, we got stage names of Afro Centric (me) and Spiritual Flower or something (Ashley—laughs). Steve Harvey asked some interview questions and ..

I sent a shout out to my team and manager who was out on an injury for a xouple of months and just went for it. 

It was kind of a blur, I heard some laughs (nailed it)

Some snaps (they’re diggin it)

Then just like that it was Ashley’s turn.

We closed the poem together.. and a whole lot of hooplah

Cheers!! Clapping!! What? You really liked me?! My biggest fear, what had shied me away from acting in the first place, had been overcome. Not only had I overcome stage fright, but I had opened the performance, and was able to put myself in the shoes of the character.. because I am no poet. This was a big accomplishment for me. I even did a little improv, I didn’t read the poem word for word. I made it my own. And I loved every second of it. 

Following that performance (which  was about two minutes in length), I was getting compliments from people who I worked with in the site who I only seen in passing. The acknowledgement was truly humbling and rewarding. I originally performed this March 16th, and I am still being complimented on this performance. It was small, very small, but the significance behind it, gives me the confidence and the confirmation to believe in God to continue this journey, I am thankful to myself for trusting God to take a step out on my own understanding and failures of my past to give this another try. I know I will not always have good days and people won’t always respond to my performances as well as they did this one. But as long as I believe in my work, that is reason enough to keep moving forward and never be shied away from my calling again. Next step, I need to desperately find some local classes in my area and make time for them!

Ps: I hope you enjoy this anecdote: I don’t have any pictures from the show because everything is confidential at my job (sorry)

The Dialer Blues

Wake up in the morning rushing to not be late

Because you remember tyvann saying ash and Taureenia you have Dialer at eight

Walk on the floor and you can hear a manager saying the money is here

While logging in the phone and hearing

Welcome to avaya scream loud in your ear 

Ready to make big money and go on with your day

 But Answering machines wrong numbers seems like Dialer just not going your way

Feeling like you’re getting close but your no where near

While you can hear Wall Street and capital hill cheer

You trying to represent for the unit the best team here

But Dialer will have you feeling like press your luck

In your head Screaming no whammy no whammy big bucks big bucks 

Finally someone comes on the line ready to pay it all and you see 

It’s in someone else flipping responsibility 

If you can relate then you know this feeling isn’t new

And you know why I call this poem the Dialer blues 

-Ashley Kilpatrick 

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