Ever since I gave birth, I’ve been on this mission to find my womanhood. Growing up, I was labeled a tomboy & a grandma. I didn’t like being labeled because it always made me feel different. I was already taller than most, and slightly bigger than my closet friends. This kept me constantly comparing myself to them.
Through my teens I found myself not only trying to change myself, but living in self-pity. I had a lot of time to do this as I was always the third wheel, and while my friends tried to help me with make-overs and blind dates, I’d decline, proving them right. That motherly instinct, “not focused on boys, books only” mentality was my go-to or a reason why I wasn’t interested.
One side of me was scared of change (being seen as more than the good girl) and rejection (I knew this far too well). After declining their offers, the other side screamed, “just go for it, it couldn’t hurt, live a little! It’s not like you do this often! What teen doesn’t take a risk once or twice?” Angry at myself, I’d just go home and read or watch tv..
That was then, this is now. Self-sabotage has had enough power over my life. With that being said, I always thought about wearing makeup. I went through a mini phase where I’d sneak some of my mom’s foundation before school, her mascara and eyeliner. She is also a shade or too darker and one day I came home and seen she left the eyeliner in my room and told me it was not sanitary to share makeup. Anywho I digress.
I put on my big-girl panties and just went for it. I picked up a few things in Walmart. The first thing I did was go to the cosmetics isle, and picked out some cheap make-up to practice in.
Now for the experienced make-up artists and wearers, I’m sure you’re probably thinking why go for the cheap stuff? I’ll be happy to answer that. Because while I am making room in my busy schedule for myself, I don’t want to waste my money on learning. Let me rephrase, I don’t want to play in the expensive stuff. I figured I use the cheap stuff to practice with, and as I get better at it, transition..
So, I started with what I thought was easiest: eyeliner, mascara, and the brow pencil. Oh and I picked up some brushes.
Ruby Kiss Liquid Eyeliner: I always liked liquid liner because I felt like it gives a more dramatic look. This eyeliner however is more on the watery side. If it was a little thicker we could get somewhere. It’s kind of runny. I won’t buy this again.
elf Eyeliner Pencil: Now this would be great if it wasn’t so bulky to hold. The point is a bit wide. It came with a spongy like blending tool on one end and a sharpener on the other end which is cool. But it could be thinner for a better grip and more control of the strokes. A narrower point for more precision of the desired area would help too. It’s like I’m coloring outside of the lines. Wouldn’t buy this again either.
elf Volumizing & Defining Jet Black Mascara: I mean, you can never go wrong with mascara. This is a pretty honest product. It holds, defines, and adds the volume desired. But of course I definitely plan to try a higher end product.
Ruby Kisses Eye Brow Pencil: for my first time trying the eyebrow pencil, this wasn’t bad. I think I am a little on the heavy handed side so this will be good practice to work on my strokes. I think I want to try an eyebrow kit (powder + angled brush) for more control. I notice also noticed in tutorials the kit gives a more natural look (that’s the goal).
Glam&Beauty Makeup Brush set: While I haven’t used my brushes yet they are so soft! I have been practicing my invisible strokes (mimicking applying foundation). I haven’t tried the brushes yet because while I was trying out different foundations in the store, I just didn’t feel like any as right. I feel like what I needed was sold out. My coworker suggested to just go to a makeup counter in the mall and have them help me with that (mental note here).
For now I’ll keep practicing. My next trip will be matching foundation, finding concealer and brow powder. This calls for a a part 2. Now my ultimate goal isn’t to constantly wear makeup, but to merely learn a new skill. Sometimes I feel like having a little one will add to my ensemble. I love my natural beauty (I really don’t need it), so minimal makeup is the goal. As I explore my femininity, sometimes I just have the urge to put some on. But I don’t want to have to pay for someone else to do it or look crazy trying to sporadically do it myself. So, I’ll keep practicing at home and come out when I feel like my skills are presentable enough.
Right now I am in awe of Nigerian YouTuber & Blogger, Shirley B. Eniang. Our complexion is almost identical and being that she is a full lipped brown girl like myself, automatically inspired! I love how she applies her make up down to the order she applies it and how much (it’s just enough), and her over-all style. She is the persona of my feminine goals. I don’t know how I came across her (yes I do, I was looking up YouTube videos on how to get started in make-up and came across her Make-Up Starter Kit: Part One & Two. My life has never been the same since. Check her out!
With this being a learning lesson and all, please leave any questions, comments, or any suggestions you may have. If you use these products or have in the past, let me know your thoughts. Any other YouTubers you can suggest would be great. Stay tuned for my trial + error shots in another post!
Thanks for reading.
Until Next Time,