November 1.

I looked up today at work— it’s November the first. All last month, I was excited for November. New plans, fresh start, great! But I couldn’t even remember we were in a new month.

I don’t like talking to people who are “proud of me” these days. They expect me to just know what direction I’m headed (especially since I have a kid). I mean yes, I know that I won’t have my daughter on the streets or hungry, but I think they believe once I finish school, my problems will magically disappear… I really don’t think it works that way. I’ve seen it too many times.

My dad keeps offering for me to stay with him until I finish school.. You know what? This kind of pisses me off. When I was on my own (before I had my daughter), where was this offer? Like, I was literally praying that this would happen, someone, ANYONE with financial stability would allow me to live with them, rent free, and work, go to school, and help me further my enrichment. Now that I am determined to do it on my own, now you have room?! I’m just saying it pisses me off. As much as I would love that, two reasons why I have not jumped on the opportunity.

  1. He is not by himself anymore, he is married and his step daughter is there. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but it’s still awkward. I just feel like I’m taking up space. I would be doing what I have to do but it’s just to out of my comfort zone. But, as a parent, we do what we have to do to get to where we want to be.
  2. My plans have slightly changed. Even though I’ve signed up for next semester, I’m not quite sure I’m going to make it to next semester. I have plans to take things slower instead of rush to get everything done. Instead of pursuing what everyone else thinks I should be doing (finishing school), I have a good job (starting in a few weeks), I figure I would focus on just living my life. I feel like like this is the right move for me now. I need to strike while the iron is hot. I will of course be saving, paying off some debts, and continue to knock out other goals I have put off for school. I am even considering relocating within the next year. And I’m excited. But, I don’t think my dad will be alright with that. Don’t get me wrong, I really could care less about what anyone thinks about my choices, I just really get sad when people don’t support them or feel like I should be moving in a different direction… well, that’s never really happened before but I feel like that’s exactly where this will go if I announce my plans. So, I’m not. Everyone will find out after I have already implemented and executed. I’ve noticed when I open my mouth, I don’t get far. Silently moving will be my M.O.

Until Next Time,

t.

Advertisements

1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!

I couldn’t figure out when I started this thing. I thought it was in December, honestly. I’m thankful for the notification I just seen. Yes, it was October 30, 2015 on Hallow’s Eve, that I decided to stop fooling around with blogger or blogspotĀ as many call it, and finally play with the big boys on WordPress. This was the best decision I could’ve made..

Here it is one year later and my have we grown together. With this and Blogtober happening at the same time, it’s been a busy time! This blog has helped me to reach a peak in my life I am forever thankful for. “This is a good thing”, I keep telling myself as I have been more stressed than ever. But it is all necessary for the dream.

To my first year as a lifestyle blogger, and the many to come. Stay tuned..

t.

Blogtober|Day Fourteen: 3 Movies That’ll Never Get Old

Happy Friday! 

Today I’d like to talk about movies because, well I love Movies! Even though I really don’t catch much of the new ones but I’m sharing 3 that I can constantly watch as if it was my first time watching them:

  1. Harry Potter Series: I mean… it’s Harry Potter. What do you mean?
  2. Any Classic Black Movie: this I just couldn’t choose. When I tried to think of just one, so many came to mind. Back-to-back! So I summed it up.
  3. The Notebook: This feeds the hopeless romantic portion of my being. 

Welp, this is what came to mind at the time I made this post, but of course, it is subject to change at any given moment. I will definitely have another list. And this is in no particular order. What about you? Comment below!

Some Food for Thought

You know, everyday. I’ve played this over and over and over in my mind. Trying to understand how I will get here. But I seen something today. 

A YouTuber speaking on getting out of ruts we sometimes fall in throughout life. And she said to carry yourself as if it’s already happened. To stop thinking about why you aren’t where you want to be today and l i v e in the present. Enjoy life and take everyday as it is. 

Yesterday I watched the BET Awards and heard Jesse Williams speak. His words reminded me that I am not, We are not, doing enough with what we have been given. Now I am in a rut right now. I’m mature and realized a long time ago that God’s plan for me has already been made. But it’s the process that we must endure. This is something that will be said over and over again until you finally do it. God will continue to bring you through the same issues until you realize what is happening. 

Now, I’ve been frustrated because I always get to this point when I feel like I finally have everything planned out and am ready to implement! But God stops me in the rudest ways to tell me not yet. But my issue is I never seek the message in the struggle. I’m always trying to solve the problem. But now I’m thinking God wants me to pay attention to what happens during the struggle. Watch the dynamic, identify the shift and grab it. Hold on to it for dear life and wait for his signal. When I get the feeing I just want to jump into things head first… šŸ¤” But Peace be still. Yeah, peace be still. 

I can’t have what I want right now because, even though I feel like I know what to do with it.. I’ll probably do the opposite. It’ll probably be too overwhelming for me and I’ll give up. My point to you is ask yourself if you are doing everything you can with what you have been given, now? If not, why would God give you more and or better to waste?

Selfish Summer 16′ (What Type Am I? Book Review)

This summer is about me.
And when I coin the phrase, selfish summer, I don’t mean everyone else is out of luck on my priority list but I must be on the top…

You see I’ve decided instead of taking summer classes (as much as I wanted to) I’d focus my attention on my hobbies and areas of interest. Hell, I deserve to think an academic break. So I’ve decided to tackle a few goals that I’ve had for quite a while.

One of those goals is to read more during my leisure (it’s been a while since I’ve taken time out to do that). I stopped at Barnes and Noble one afternoon after work and came across a great read.

I’m a psych major and found a little peace to find a book that I enjoyed and happened to be in my field of study. Furthermore, I’m all about self improvement and found this to be a great start!

How I grew attached to this book: I am currently finishing up a contracted position that I’ve worked for 5 months. While I’ve enjoyed myself and the people I’ve met along the way, I happened to learn a great deal about myself and specifically my preferences [in the workplace]. Most importantly I’ve discovered that as much as I love customer service, if I can’t help people in the way that I would like to, then I can’t do it. With that being said, I am interested in the intellectual psyche of a persons’ mind. Helping them to understand themselves and what direction they should go after helping them to identify just that. Not listening to their complaining about how their equipment doesn’t work (my current duty as a contractor) and I could go on and on about what if like to do but I’d rather discuss my dislikes (which include, but not limited to):

  1. Up close and personal space invasion
  2. Direct confrontation/discussion unless it is brief
  3. Being interrupted while I am concentrating on a given task
  4. An unstable work environment 
  5. Relying on others to carry out a task i.e. lazy coworkers

Just to name a few.

With that, this read sparked my interest because I have personally struggled in making conscious decisions for myself. I feel that behind that obstacle was because I don’t understand myself: why I do things a certain way and why I have to implement them in that way specifically. Why I address people in a certain manner and act a certain way around others or big crowds. Based off of my biological psyche, what environments I would thrive in the workplace, etc. 

This book goes into understanding yourself and others by the Myer-Briggs personality test (may have taken in high school). So from there I answered some questions about preference and temperament which led me to discover— of confirm— my introverted personality. 

I am an introvert: to sum things up, to be an introvert means to be internally motivated. I prefer not to be around many people and find inspiration in the crevices of my mind.  While I can work with others no problem sometimes it can be a struggle to ask others to do things for me, I would do things myself before bothering someone else with a task (if I am able to). My struggle is using this to my advantage. While being an introvert may seem bad, I don’t feel it is, and the author does encourage you to think that way. While I may come off as quiet I do have great skills: I prefer to write things down and am very particular as I try to be as accurate as possible.

ISFJ: I digress, the image above I took of my personal ID. It is a make up of my preferences and temperament. It stands for Introverting Sensing Feeling Judging. 


I have some work to do this summer!