Tamia’s Birthday Letter

A year old? Already?!

Where has the time gone? Tamia, my Mia.

Standing, walking, and talking!

Soon, I’ll look up to your stretched out hands asking for the keys *sniffs*

It has been amazing… watching you grow this past year, and I am looking forward to every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year, every waking [and sleeping that I can get] moment, both happy and sad, to come.

I want you to always know that I as your mother will always do my best to teach you right from wrong, guiding you in the right direction and steering you away from the wrong, to the best of my judgement.

Always know, that with God, all things are possible, as He is your strength, your rock. We will continue to pray, and as I grow stronger in my faith the man above, so will you, until you feel either able to establish a relationship on your own with him, or if [God forbid] you feel there can’t be one.

It is my job to teach and guide you. It is yours to continue to stay on that path.

There is still a lot you have to learn about this world [as do I] but, know that I will always be here to help you.

I pray that I continue to show you just as much love and support as I have always wanted.

I apologize for not figuring out what your cries meant. For the most part I got them down, although there were some I just couldn’t decipher. There may come a time where you look to me for answers and I just can’t give them to you. I leave you with this at the end of your first year: Be patient, be kind, and steadfast. Pray, meditate, and he will lead you.

Always remember that, Mama loves you. Always.

Happy First Birthday (Sept. 18, 2016)

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A Shift is in Affect.

Just when I thought I was in this journey myself, the one person I thought I couldn’t count on, is here. 

My siblings & I relationship with one another was compromised growing up because of the relationship our parents had with one another. Actually it was nonexistent. My mother’s strong hate for my father led to resentment in even having his children, I like to believe where her mean spirit stemmed from. It was to the point where we grew to forget how to cohabit in the same house with one another. We didn’t speak to each other, and when we did it was a quarrel the entire conversation. Even when we tried to be civil, it was awkward. We all as an end result, shut down. 

We eventually as teenagers found a corner, and stayed to ourselves. A quiet house. Out of site, out of mind.

I thought this would carry on into adulthood, hoping it magically wouldn’t. Because then, I just couldn’t see things getting better between us. I thought we’d always be damaged. I came to terms with this being my reality. Never really having a close relationship with my siblings. But I’ll be…

I asked God for what I wanted and needed and he his giving me things I hadn’t even thought to ask. He is taking care of problems that I but tied in the back of my mind and long forgot about. 

I knew it was a reason why my brother has been visiting more frequently, he wants a relationship with me. He wants to stay in contact. He wants to help our siblings… and me! He went far as to say if I needed to borrow some money from him— if he has it, then so do I. This is a big step from “I’m moving far, and won’t nobody even have my number.”

… Faith without works is dead. I’m far from finished. 

Until Next Time,

T.

Better Days Are Coming. 

I have a testimony to share. I hope this encourages you to keep faith & God above everything.


So if I haven’t told you already, I got a new job! Great pay, part-time hours (great because all of my bills are being paid and less time away from my baby, and I have time to complete my studies! But, it doesn’t start until July 18. That’s okay, I plan to use this time to relax, workout, read, anything I haven’t done in God knows how long. 

In the meantime, I am currently waiting on unemployment to process, and have bills to catch up on. This is stressful, because we have to eat. So Today, after returning my ink cartridge to have money to buy groceries, I decided I’d go to Walmart and get some groceries. I have a credit card with them that I’ve been trying to pay off but always have to end up using (Rule #1 If you’re gonna get a credit card, pay what you owe, even if it is a minimum payment they’ll take, pay more if you can!). 

Got some groceries, going to check out, it goes over the balance (I was able to exceed the balance before, thought I’d try again— no Bueno). After removing a few items and reswiping 4 times, the cashier refused to allow me to swipe, even the last 10 bucks I put towards it didn’t help *sighs*. So indecided to suck it up and withdraw my rent. 

I spent $20 at one store I love because they always guarantee fresh produce hence their name, Farm Fresh. Then decided to go to dollar tree and get snacks and anything else I could for $1. My church just happens to be next to them so I decided to stop in there first to schedule an appointment with my pastor (it’s been so long since I’ve been to church and finally made it so my family could all come, so why not? It’ll be quick). 

A woman I know (I have got to remember their names), gave me some information and before as I was getting ready to walk away, she offered me some chips. I said sure then she informed me to let anyone know who needs food that they give out boxes of food every Thursday. I said, “I need food.” And she went to work. 

A box FULL OF FOOD! Chicken, ground beef, fruits, vegetables, frozen foods, snacks (the good brands too)! I mean everything I needed was there! In the house of God. Bread, deli meet, cheese, (am I covering every food group?) juice, bagels, even an entire cake! I thanked her numerous times as she helped me get it to my truck. We talked a little more, and then I get ready to head to food lion, but I still wanted to go to Dollar Tree. I still needed milk and bread. Thought I’d save a few bucks.

I’m approaching the entrance as an older couple approaches as well. They kind of cut me off to get to the door first, and instead of being upset and holding it against them, I decided to hold the door open for them (I’ve always believed in killing rude people with kindness). Anywho, I go in, get what I need, and while I’m checking out, they happen to be behind me in line. So as I’m reaching in my wallet for my cash, the older man says, “I’ll pay for her stuff.” 

I looked around like, seriously? I thanked him a great deal as I was almost on the verge of crying. He had no idea how thankful I was & how much he was helping me out. I had to reflect on these blessings. God did not want me spending my rent money at all. And twice, I tried to and he said no. Had I not come to him (stopped off in church first), I would’ve missed out on a blessing. And had I went straight to Dollar Tree, I would been there too soon to receive the second. God works in mysterious ways. But it wouldn’t have worked out if I hadn’t been in place to receive those blessings. 

Today confirmed a few things:

  1. My faith was strong 
  2. He takes care of me despite my indiscretions 
  3. Prayer works
  4. God is real
  5. Better days are coming

As I was on my way to food lion, I noticed I’d seen this woman who was pregnant with two children at her side. I’d like to believe that God told me to give her that $10 I had been holding on to. That’s exactly what I did. I parked my car, I caught up to her and said, “Excuse me, God told me to give you this if you want it.” She replied, ” usually I wouldn’t accept this from anybody, but thank you.” I walked away and continued my ventures.
God bless you all. 

Until Next Time,

T.

 

    God has a way of bringing me to my knees..

      
    Man, I just don’t get it. 
    I’m at a stage in my faith where God is clearing out everything and everyone that is toxic to me (whether I like it or not). And with fair warning. Signs, feelings, vibes. Dreams.

    It’s sad when you have to find out the truth. Not be told the truth but find out after. This really hurts.

      
    …Did I mention how much I love Joel Olsteen? I came across this book in B&N, so far it’s a good read.

    As I mentioned in my last entry that my faith has been tested since the new year began. This book has helped me understand God’s moves. I’ve always found the hardest part about receiving a blessing has always been the process of getting there. A blessing is good, yes but sometimes as a believer I forget that I may have to go through a tunnel before I can see some light. Especially when I don’t expect it.

    I also find my train of thought shifting. I’m looking at things not as setbacks but milestones to better things. This book is helping me to realize that because of all of this turmoil, I should get into position to receive. 

    Get this book if you’re in the same spot in your faith as I. Buy it if you need clarity on how God moves in our lives. Get it if you need motivation to keep on keeping on. Trust me you won’t regret the read.

    “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

    Blessings… Understand them.

      
    Blessings…

    I think I mistook the meaning of what came with them. In the matter of a years time, I received the greatest of them but at very high costs. Some blessings I didn’t even ask for.. Or maybe I did with out realizing it would be an outcome of something I was doing. 

    I try not to bite off more than I can chew. But because of grace, that is God’s grace, I was presented with something I wasn’t ready for… At least I thought. You see this blessing requires time, patience, and sacrifice.

    With time, there’s good (when dealing with God)… And there’s bad (when dealing with the flesh). With time, God heals, rebuilds, and restores. Something I’ve been long waiting for which is good. But also with time there is waiting, which involves a lot of patience. And with waiting, patience can be an issue. In due waiting, I sometimes— or a lot of the time find myself taking matters into my own hands. That battle between flesh and spirit interferes with my blessings. And sometimes when I’m not careful, I sacrifice that blessing God was preparing for me. Funny how that goes.

    Though on the contrary, in order to receive my blessing, I must sacrifice something(s). What I thought was there to help me forever and ever, may have only been to get me where I’m going. Some blessings are only for a season… 

    Understand… The blessing.