Hiatus: Life Update

Where Am I Now

If I could sum up my life as it is right now in one word— Growing Pains (and that’s two words..)

Everything is happening to me at once. I have been put  into positions where I am forced to grow, to change my normal way of doing things in order to move forward. I am being forced out of my comfort zone to reach my full potential. I guess I thought I could just go around that and hope people see this amazing person that I know that I am and that is dying to be set free, but I have always stepped on my own shoes. As the days go by, I learn something about myself. I have been so confused about what my problem is exactly and to be honest that is hard to answer. I never knew where to start which was frustrating. I have started off small. Things that I noticed about myself that bothered me I ask myself if they are really that bad. So bad to the point where it was affecting my well being. If yes, than I had to be consciously aware of this and to catch myself and force myself to go into another direction. Okay, maybe not force but slowly make moves to break these habits. For example:

I compare myself to others and entertain their opinions of me. 

This is a complicated one for me here. But not really. I am constantly around people. Work, Social Media, Online classes. Constantly working towards the approval of everyone else of my performance. Constantly maintaining a certain standard and putting my best foot forward. Trying to be perfect when in fact, no one is even paying attention to me.

I speak a good game but it’s easier said than done. 

Advertisements

2k17 New Year’s Resolution: Why I’m NOT Sharing Mine

First things first, to anyone saying they are not doing a New Year’s Res. because they believe it will never get done, good for you. However shaming other’s for using this time for a clean start because they set realistic goals for themselves to attain and you couldn’t is not the way to play it. To anyone who is participating, don’t listen to the naysayers, as a matter of fact, don’t even mention your New Year’s Resolutions.

Personally, and even aside from NYR, I have found that when I share my goals with other’s, most people have reacted in a way that had discouraged me from pursuing my goal or reverting back to old habits. Now I’m not saying everyone should keep it to themselves. Some people can share their goals and dreams with others and use that as motivation not to slack off out of fear that they are either disappointing those folks they shared it with, just not keeping their word, or have others motivate them in the process. The constant positive reinforcement goes a long way for some. For me, as I have had time to reflect, I feel I can check myself enough to keep myself motivated. I have found that I am able to stick to things if I show people what I have accomplished already, rather than tell them what I plan to do. I’m better off motivating myself, because looking to others for motivation leaves me disappointed every single time.

With that being said, I will not have a NYR post. As much as I want to, I am a firm believer in bad juju. The only people who need to be involved in the plan is myself and God. I will however, post my NYR either after I have accomplished it, or when I’m already well into it. I will however, share anything that could be beneficial to others like a few challenges I will be participating in. But anything like weight loss goals— well okay, I won’t constantly post, but will periodically update my progress.

large-4

I will say this, I will not waste anymore time watching others live out their dreams. A few months back I found this quote that said:

“If you don’t build your dream, someone will hire you to help build theirs.”

The point of this post is to say that this year I will no longer worry about the actions of others and whether or not they are paying attention to mine. I have been throwing away my dreams to fit the mold of other peoples expectations. I vow to protect my dreams, goals, and aspirations, even if that means keeping them to myself and walking alone. Side note: I have thought about that quote every day since we crossed paths.

Here’s to the New Year, and an ever-evolving me.

Cheers,

t.

It’s done.

i-did-itI finally bought my domain! I decided on it months ago, I was just hesitant about upgrading (money has been tight). I had a little more room, so before I cleaned out my pockets, I just went for it! Such a sigh of relief to know that know one had snagged the domain. This was a major step in my blogging journey because it reassured me that I am serious about my goals and that I am moving in the right direction. Even though I am tight with my money (I don’t usually get to hold a paycheck for too long before bills and responsibilities take over), I understand that this was a necessary step in the journey and it was money well invested. Money is made to be spent, and I will make plenty more (in Jesus’ name)..

I feel good about this.. Yup. This is a good thing. What should I do next? Any suggestions for someone trying to gradually grow their following? 

Tamia’s Birthday Letter

A year old? Already?!

Where has the time gone? Tamia, my Mia.

Standing, walking, and talking!

Soon, I’ll look up to your stretched out hands asking for the keys *sniffs*

It has been amazing… watching you grow this past year, and I am looking forward to every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year, every waking [and sleeping that I can get] moment, both happy and sad, to come.

I want you to always know that I as your mother will always do my best to teach you right from wrong, guiding you in the right direction and steering you away from the wrong, to the best of my judgement.

Always know, that with God, all things are possible, as He is your strength, your rock. We will continue to pray, and as I grow stronger in my faith the man above, so will you, until you feel either able to establish a relationship on your own with him, or if [God forbid] you feel there can’t be one.

It is my job to teach and guide you. It is yours to continue to stay on that path.

There is still a lot you have to learn about this world [as do I] but, know that I will always be here to help you.

I pray that I continue to show you just as much love and support as I have always wanted.

I apologize for not figuring out what your cries meant. For the most part I got them down, although there were some I just couldn’t decipher. There may come a time where you look to me for answers and I just can’t give them to you. I leave you with this at the end of your first year: Be patient, be kind, and steadfast. Pray, meditate, and he will lead you.

Always remember that, Mama loves you. Always.

Happy First Birthday (Sept. 18, 2016)

Trip to International Food Market/Seafood Market with Dad

Gotta love my dad man. Whenever I’m with him, I feel empowered to discover the world around me. I think that is where I get my optimism from. As down to Earth he is, he always sees opportunity in any situation.

Now I didn’t grow up with him, but I like to think that his half is what kept my dreams alive. I don’t mean to downplay my mom but, we struggled. And she just didn’t feel there was time to dream big when mouths needed to be fed now. So, I get it. But too much of one thing and not enough of the other could always wreak havoc in a person’s life. Balance— influences harmony. And that, is a beautiful thing.. 

I got a phone call yesterday morning  asking if I wanted to ride with him to the an International Market (Grand Market off of Newtown Road in Virginia Beach) so I thought cool. I needed to talk to him anyway.

Got there, and immediately notice the diversity. Blacks, whites, Asians, Hispanics, and those from the Islands! Every isle for a different area of the world. I was in awe. 

Later we finished up by going to the seafood market to grab a bushel of crabs before it’s season ended. Brought in October strong! I’ll stop carrying on now and allow the art to speak for itself… 

International Farmer’s Market (my dad is pictured in the third shot)


Seafood Market

The Blue Pill or the Red?

I need help and guidance here! I’ve been working for my current job for two months, I love it. 

Here’s an overview:

City job. Rate of pay is 14.01 an hour, but I only get 25 hours a week. It pays the bills, but I’m not able to save money like I need to. As much as they love to promote from within the company, I have to be there for at least 6 months before I can even apply for a better position. This is a permanent position. I don’t get benefits (part-time employee), except for the discounts they give me (free services they offer, discounts off rent, and amusement park tickets). the hours are mid-day, 12:30-5:30 which is okay. They’re saying I may have to come in earlier shifts. Like 5-6am, etc. it’s a lot of information to learn which I don’t mind. They have resources out the butt to guide me. There’s a solution for everything. I am also gaining the office & computer experience I’ve been seeking for a while now. But I have a daughter and I can’t just get by. I’m a single mother and will soon be working on one income. On top of that, because I’m in a different tax bracket, taxes are a killer!
Now this other job, if I am offered, 

Is a 12 month contract and pays 14.44 an hour. It’s working with shipments & customers (something else I’ve been interested in) in another city, and offers a mid-day shift but more hours (35 hours weekly, 1-8p).  Double the paycheck of what I’m getting now. Which I could definitely use. I wouldn’t have to worry about a second job, but I would have to deduct my own taxes. I just finished working a contracted position and I owe, but this job would allow me to pay it off. I believe this job maybe a city job (the business I would contract for). So I could receive some benefits/discounts. But after its up, I would be in search of another job if one is not offered to me. I was out of work for two months after my last contracted job. But I do know what I didn’t know then. And have no reasons not to save. I think I’m going to go for if I am offered, but I hate that I’ve invested do much (well I guess two months is not much and I’m not trying to make a career out of either so..?) I think I have my answer but value a second opinion. 

Help me sort this out guys! I need outside perspective! Let me know your thoughts in the comments. I need to converse (laughs)! 

Until Next Time,

T. 

When things hit the fan…

I had to cut my hours in half, 

I’m failing my classes,

I have no babysitter,

And my faith has been rocky since the year started. 

This is when I finally let go and let God.

I still don’t understand the art of being “still”. 

Not doing anything and letting God guide me. 

Is that literal? I take it that way, but I still have todo something. I can’t just quit my job and school and sit around. Maybe that’s too literal. 

Maybe it’s me controlling what I can and accepting what I can not:

I think Gods been tryna tell me for a while to just chill out… 

Idk what do you do in this situation? Every semester I attempt to take a class and I either drop one of am struggling to finish. I don’t want to mess up my financial aid. So I think I’m going to just focus on Tamia, working (maybe a trade), and.. Discovering myself. That I haven’t done yet. 

I fee like I’ve been doing what everyone else has wanted me to do. What I felt they’d like. I’m tired of living for everyone else. I just don’t want to do this anymore..

I lift my hands and surrender. I’ve finally broken down and don’t care who knows it. I need to officially start over.

Pardon My Absence

 
I’ve been thinking… and thinking. 

With so much going on with the baby, working full time, and school part time I always find myself having to sacrifice one or the other (never baby, she always take priority). 

But I find myself… Falling.

I’m behind in my school work and I’ve had to call out a few times from being stressed, and physically drained. On top of that I can’t forget about the home life, bills, chores, appointments, and the like. And on top of that, I’ve gained 10 pounds since I’ve worked my new job (they feed us a lot of snacks, but it’s my choice to eat it). My manager from my old job asked me to return but at reduced hours. The only reason I’m considering this is because the schedule is early and that’s what I need.

It’s only a month into the new year, so for that I can’t complain. With that being said I need to reevaluate my schedule.

Here are my ideas (let me know what you think in the comments section below).

  
1.Drop down to part time but also pick up the schedule at the old job (it’s a check every week and I get in and out some days of the week to be home with baby and homework). My current schedule is 11-7; no time in the am or pm to do anything with us sharing one car and waiting on the other to get off, I can be off before he even has to go to work. 

2. I quit the full time, go back to old job with part time hours and pick up an at home gig (my plan anyway) making the same amount but more flexible to set my own hours. I only have to worry about a commute 3 days a week and I don’t have to deal with any customers (whatever job I get at least). I’ll only need a baby sitter for a few hours. 

This is for intended discussion. Please, if you e been through this I welcome your wisdom!

Blessings… Understand them.

  
Blessings…

I think I mistook the meaning of what came with them. In the matter of a years time, I received the greatest of them but at very high costs. Some blessings I didn’t even ask for.. Or maybe I did with out realizing it would be an outcome of something I was doing. 

I try not to bite off more than I can chew. But because of grace, that is God’s grace, I was presented with something I wasn’t ready for… At least I thought. You see this blessing requires time, patience, and sacrifice.

With time, there’s good (when dealing with God)… And there’s bad (when dealing with the flesh). With time, God heals, rebuilds, and restores. Something I’ve been long waiting for which is good. But also with time there is waiting, which involves a lot of patience. And with waiting, patience can be an issue. In due waiting, I sometimes— or a lot of the time find myself taking matters into my own hands. That battle between flesh and spirit interferes with my blessings. And sometimes when I’m not careful, I sacrifice that blessing God was preparing for me. Funny how that goes.

Though on the contrary, in order to receive my blessing, I must sacrifice something(s). What I thought was there to help me forever and ever, may have only been to get me where I’m going. Some blessings are only for a season… 

Understand… The blessing.