November 1.

I looked up today at work— it’s November the first. All last month, I was excited for November. New plans, fresh start, great! But I couldn’t even remember we were in a new month.

I don’t like talking to people who are “proud of me” these days. They expect me to just know what direction I’m headed (especially since I have a kid). I mean yes, I know that I won’t have my daughter on the streets or hungry, but I think they believe once I finish school, my problems will magically disappear… I really don’t think it works that way. I’ve seen it too many times.

My dad keeps offering for me to stay with him until I finish school.. You know what? This kind of pisses me off. When I was on my own (before I had my daughter), where was this offer? Like, I was literally praying that this would happen, someone, ANYONE with financial stability would allow me to live with them, rent free, and work, go to school, and help me further my enrichment. Now that I am determined to do it on my own, now you have room?! I’m just saying it pisses me off. As much as I would love that, two reasons why I have not jumped on the opportunity.

  1. He is not by himself anymore, he is married and his step daughter is there. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but it’s still awkward. I just feel like I’m taking up space. I would be doing what I have to do but it’s just to out of my comfort zone. But, as a parent, we do what we have to do to get to where we want to be.
  2. My plans have slightly changed. Even though I’ve signed up for next semester, I’m not quite sure I’m going to make it to next semester. I have plans to take things slower instead of rush to get everything done. Instead of pursuing what everyone else thinks I should be doing (finishing school), I have a good job (starting in a few weeks), I figure I would focus on just living my life. I feel like like this is the right move for me now. I need to strike while the iron is hot. I will of course be saving, paying off some debts, and continue to knock out other goals I have put off for school. I am even considering relocating within the next year. And I’m excited. But, I don’t think my dad will be alright with that. Don’t get me wrong, I really could care less about what anyone thinks about my choices, I just really get sad when people don’t support them or feel like I should be moving in a different direction… well, that’s never really happened before but I feel like that’s exactly where this will go if I announce my plans. So, I’m not. Everyone will find out after I have already implemented and executed. I’ve noticed when I open my mouth, I don’t get far. Silently moving will be my M.O.

Until Next Time,