Season of Singleness: Handling Anger

Ima get a lil personal: I believe in my studies working for my benefit not just the school’s pockets. One area that I struggle in is anger. So I decided to independently study anger management. I submitted this as a discussion board response and thought this should be shared:
My daughter’s father is the only person that I have seen manages their anger well. He has a way with handling anger in a way that I can feed off of his energy which calms me down. With out saying anything directly, his actions make me examine mine— which is usually why I find myself in the hot seat more so than him. He also never allows me to see the beginning stages of his anger process, but I can tell when he is working through it. That has instilled patience in me for him and others in similar situations. This is the healthiest way for managing one’s anger for all parties involved (that I have experienced). He chooses his words wisely and effectively gets his point across without making me feel like I am wrong or angering me. His words are like putting a mirror to my face of my actions all while explaining his point of view.
Slick talking something or another.. a blessing and a curse. I say that because he has never used his words to take advantage of me (I have no common sense I catch on to things very late lol) and he genuinely means well. Which is the blessing. The curse is I can’t get away with doing or saying anything meaningless and think I can live in my wrongs. (But a curse doesn’t lead to growth so.. maybe I got it wrong..) He just won’t allow that. We’re not together but as I encounter other men and listen to their words (especially ones who I would consider dating), understand if they’re not on this level of communication, that’s dead. God has revealed to me a trait in this man that I require moving forward because— I need it. God sends a mate as a helper (Genesis 2:18), and communication is something that might be a struggle for me. If you can’t identify when we converse my struggle of understanding (which is usually the case), then you don’t want this problem lol. I’m just being transparent and honest (and it feels good).
I say all of this to say that in this season of singleness, through my weaknesses God has helped me to see not only the wants but the needs I should look for in a potential mate. This is not to say that I won’t work on those weaknesses until God sends the help but.. Are we asking for the right things? Do we know what to ask for?

Does Money Matter When Dating? (Response)

One reason why I love Jay Colby is that he always has topics that not only welcome discussion but also respectively reflect is views as well as remind me to put myself on the other side of the fence which brings it all together. Yesterday, I came across was a post that asked, “Should money mattered when dating?”. Now he has his audience (myself included) to spark a conversation with, I thought I’d do the same and extend the conversation to mine. Because for this question, a comment wouldn’t have done it justice:

I was a little heated as I was reading the results of the gender statistics he conducted (laughs) which also reminds me to tune into his podcasts. But money does matter to an extent. Would I base that off of whether I date a man or not? No. The way I see it is this:

The amount of money does not matter (whether it is more, less, or matching mine or not). As long as we can live the way we want to, that is, able to cover our half of the expenses (rent, bills, etc.) and able to do what we want in our leisure, why should that matter? I actually expect a few times of hardship from both ends: I mean, its life, whether we have money in the bank or not. As long as we are both to a point where we are prepared, money shouldn’t be the end all be all factor. I do however, require you have an honest job bringing in steady income going into it. Let me explain:

I’ve dealt with someone unemployed in the beginning, the problem was it stayed that way (a span of four years to be exact). I was young naive and had never been in a relationship before. I helped in any way that I could as a significant other, even assisting in helping to find work. But when it got to a point where I was filling out his applications and feeding him, I knew I had to let go. And who wants a someone who can’t do those things on his own. I felt like a parent even before I was one.

A lot of that had to do with thinking that was what it took to be in a relationship; doing whatever possible to help the other person. But no, if the other person can’t learn to help themselves, don’t waste your time. I was trying to play God and it took me four years to realize that, I needed to remove myself; because I was indeed blocking the blessings.

Enough of my rambling: to some this up the amount of money does not dictate whether I date or not, but have some type of financial income does. What do you think? 

All rights to the featured image above goes to sugardaddydating.com (don’t you judge me).

When things hit the fan…

I had to cut my hours in half, 

I’m failing my classes,

I have no babysitter,

And my faith has been rocky since the year started. 

This is when I finally let go and let God.

I still don’t understand the art of being “still”. 

Not doing anything and letting God guide me. 

Is that literal? I take it that way, but I still have todo something. I can’t just quit my job and school and sit around. Maybe that’s too literal. 

Maybe it’s me controlling what I can and accepting what I can not:

I think Gods been tryna tell me for a while to just chill out… 

Idk what do you do in this situation? Every semester I attempt to take a class and I either drop one of am struggling to finish. I don’t want to mess up my financial aid. So I think I’m going to just focus on Tamia, working (maybe a trade), and.. Discovering myself. That I haven’t done yet. 

I fee like I’ve been doing what everyone else has wanted me to do. What I felt they’d like. I’m tired of living for everyone else. I just don’t want to do this anymore..

I lift my hands and surrender. I’ve finally broken down and don’t care who knows it. I need to officially start over.